I miss breastfeeding...

The whole time I was pregnant I was all about breast-feeding, I couldn't  wait to use my boobs for what they are for. FEEDING MY CHILD. At first I thought I would only get to do it for a little because well, I figured I would be back on meds as soon as she was born. The closer my due date  the more scared I got. The second she latched on though? It was THE BEST FEELING EVER!!!! I was so happy it was working. I had to see a lactation consultant once, since I am a visual learner I had to have someone walk me through it. And from that day on, we never looked back. 

Jolene chowing down for the first time.

Jolene loved it, I loved it, and I didn't want it to end. I sat and day dreamed of the day I wouldn't have to hold my boob for her anymore and she could hold it herself! I wanted to breastfeed until she was at least 1!!! But at around 5 months, I fell. Holding her. And I freaked out.... She wasn't hurt, I made sure of that. But at the same time in the back of my mind I knew that soon I was going to have to go back on meds. 

In the summer MS gets worse and the heat is bad. So I called my doctor and he said I had to stop breastfeeding all together. I trusted my doctor and breastfed her one last time. I had my treatment, was feeling sad and I didnt want to think about it... 

Come to find out, I could have started breastfeeding her a week after I had my treatment. Something I was NOT told.... I am sure my doctor was expecting me to go back on medicine full on. Which I clearly stated I was NOT doing.... 

By the time I realized this it was too late.. 

I tried breastfeeding Jolene again and she was NOT having it. She looked at it and looked away ( thank you formula+bottle).... at that point the guilt sunk in. I should have tried harder....... 

But then I looked at that face... That is a happy, healthy, loved baby. I breastfed for 6 months. Some mothers don't even try. She has never been sick and she loves me the same. She still uses them as pillows........ 

I miss it every day. But now she is eating solids and doesnt slow down. She is happy, I am happy, and my boobs are getting smaller THANK GOD!!! 

Lalala I cant wait til I can have a reduction.